"I will disappoint you. I will disappoint you in every way." 

"But that's bullshit! That's such bullshit," I said. 

"How?"

"You can't just resign yourself to being an asshole. That's what makes you an asshole! That you're not even willing to put in any sort of effort. People are flawed and that's what makes them beautiful and I understand that and I understand that you're going to make mistakes and that you'll hurt me, I know it. But you can't just say "this is the way I am, I'm not even going to try" and not for me, it's not even about me at all. It's about you. Because you're the one who refers to yourself as wasted potential and I don't disagree with you. You are wasting your potential by being miserable and determining that that's how you have to be. You don't have to be that way, you don't have to be any way. This isn't about me, I can take care of myself. You can push me away and there's a certain amount of pushing that I will withstand, but once you start making me hate myself because you hate yourself I'm out, and that will be my decision. You tell me I deserve more and I do, but so do you. You deserve to have someone like me in your life and I don't want to see you fuck it up because you're too lazy to become self aware past the point of "I will disappoint you," fuck you, that's insulting. Of course you'll disappoint me, you already have. But I'm still here because I know how fucking wonderful you are under your bravado and under your self loathing. Stop trying to punish yourself, the world will punish you enough. But it's also fucking incomprehensible in its beauty and you're missing all of it like a fucking idiot." 
 

Any time a dude has spoken highly about his fucking ability before we have sex, like "I'm really good, I promise", the sex is always terrible. ALWAYS. 

So, be wary of people who boast that shit. 

I'm so close to being so rapidly depressed and I can feel it happening and ughhhhh I wish I could stop it so bad. 

why why why why why why why why?

Do you ever like, just want to be someone's favorite person? Just anyone. 

I have a lot of people that like me but I just feel like I'm never that important, you know? This feels selfish and stupid and I'm having a hard time exactly articulating how I'm feeling and what exactly it is that I mean. 

But I've always kind of felt like whoever is talking to me is doing so because they're settling, that there's someone else they would rather have but I'm there and I'm good enough. 

I'm so great what is everyone else's problem? Realize this sooner, please. Thanks. 

In honor of Joanna Newsom's 30th birthday I'm going to spend the night listening to her entire discography and singing along with it super loud. 

This isn't that different from most nights but still.